I believe in you

I was just sitting in my bedroom and I picked up an old book I had from the floor.  It's a favourite of mine, one about my faith, and was purchased by my dearest friend Renee.

As I opened it I had completely forgot she wrote a message.  Inside it some simple words, with drawn love hearts and flowers that I had become accustomed to when she went through a folksy stage.  A time where she introduced me to Martin Sexton and Kasey Chambers.  I smiled at this book tonight, reflecting on those  four simple words that have never left me.

"I believe in you".



Someone believed in me.  In spite of me, someone believed in me.

In my heart of hearts, I know there are people who are reading this who need to be believed in.  When someone tells you that they believe in you, amazing things start to happen.  You start to realise that you are loved, that you mean something to someone and that creates purpose.  You have days, months even where you forget that someone told you that they believed in you but those fours word are powerful enough to hang on through your adversity.

Those four words give way to love.  A powerful force, and if you don't hear those words properly, you can find it hard to function.  It releases an antidote when you've fed your heart poison.

You allow others to believe in you as much as the first who said it and meant it.  You realise what you've taken for granted and you realise you're surrounded in love, patience, understanding and support for you as you struggle to whittle away on what keeps you down.  It teaches you to let go, in spite of you wanting to hold on.

Belief is amazing, powerful, tangible and needed.  Tonight I have to tell you, I believe in you.  I really do.  I think that some of the decisions you're making, the effort you are taking to overcome is just incredible.  Keep going at it.  Reach out to your community for support.  If you give to people, start to receive from them as well.  You are worthy of it, you are loved, you are cherished.  Let people believe in you.

I believe in you.  I think you'll achieve your hearts desires.  For some it will be soon, for others it will be a long time away so I have to ask you, is time relevant here?  I don't think it is.  It took me over a decade before Renee's words give true and amazing fruit.  But to use the fruit analogy, nothing will grow well if it's grown from a sickly tree.  I had to give myself time to sort out what was needed before I considered the surgery - I had to prune the tree and now the fruit that grows will not rot.  It's been a year since the surgery and I've lost 90kg.

I've lost it, in part, because you all believed in me that I could.  Some of you are saying "and about bloody time Nicky" but still, you didn't stop believing.

Someone out there needs your belief, so if you know of someone who is breaking and is tormented by their demons please hear me.  Invest in them.  Love them, give to them, and hold them ever so close.

I think whoever reads this is incredible and I hope this gives you enough to overcome.  Enough to start and refresh the ember coals in your heart so once again, the flame within you shines brightly.

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

But just because it burns

Doesn't mean you're gonna die

You've gotta get up and try

Pink - Try - 2012

So, I mentioned before that that my surgery anniversary has passed.  I was hoping to get back here to share some photos but life has happened as it does.  I will have some photos up to celebrate 12 months soon.  I have a new battle, to reach the final goal and I'm giving myself another 12 months to do it.  2013 will potentially bring about skin surgery and maybe unearth things about me that means new beliefs will need to be forged.  Maybe I'll pick up that book again that Renee wrote in as a start.

With much love,

Nicky